Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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