Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
