Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
