quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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