i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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