WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
