I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
