as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
