I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
