Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
