with your own penis?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
two words...techno handjob
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
