he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
