i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He did a backflip because drugs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
