Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize