she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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