I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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