The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
