Where are you?
In a non slutty way
time to smoke my breakfast
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
