Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
