Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
