I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
