morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
