We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
