There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
