she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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