I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
