I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
