It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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