I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
