3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
