i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
