420 ftw
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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