it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
