my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
