I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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