like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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