Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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