Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
