Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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