I'm going to jail i love you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
