I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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