I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
