I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
