She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
