I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
