I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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