So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
