Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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