Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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