and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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