so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
