I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
