the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize