apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
