I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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