I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
