Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
