I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
