I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
