i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize