just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
