don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
