she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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