Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
