A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
