just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
