I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
