Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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