i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize