I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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