i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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