Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
