i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
