Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
