He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
