I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
