We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
